Physician, Heal Thyself!
I am now nearly recovered from the symptoms of a non-Covid virus I contracted about 2 months ago. I didn’t know it would exemplify my own need to watch my own video, Humility.
I’d never experienced an extended illness before. Usually when I get sick it’s either a quick cold, or at most a flu that lingers for maybe 10 days, but really has me down for only 2-3. The symptoms are pretty stable, and predictable. They might include:
Sore throat,
Coughing,
Fever, and,
Fatigue
They advanced like a slow musical crescendo, hit a peak, and then decrescendo as I begin to feel better.
A Different Kind of Illness
This virus didn’t have the natural arc of anything I’d had before. New symptoms appeared after others faded. The mild fever ended after about 10 days. Then, mornings started to include nausea, an intense tremor in my hands linked to a vibration in my entire chest, and overwhelming fatigue, as if my arm muscles were suddenly wet noodles.
And these symptoms went on for weeks. 5 weeks. Six weeks. When I said I’ve largely recovered, it’s still remnants of these symptoms that continue to annoy me.
When I felt the fever, fatigue and sore throat of my usual flu I had no doubt about how to react when these symptoms hit hardest. As tough as I might want to believe I am, I’d give in to them. It might take some convincing, but I’d admit I had to go down for the count.
I reacted to this virus differently. I wanted to fight it the longer it progressed. I couldn’t stand the hours it was taking out of my work day. I felt intense frustration at projects that started to drag, and then got postponed entirely as I couldn’t sustain the energy to work.
I found it nearly impossible to be humble. I found it nearly impossible to do the two things essential to humility, as I describe it in my video:
admit to what I am capable of—to its full extent; and,
admit to the limitations of my capability.
Instead of resting when I needed to, I either fought through it or—worse—rested and drowned myself in recrimination. This created a two-headed monster of self-destruction. Not only did it shift my focus to my own de-creation. As my friend, partner in corporate coaching and neuro-psychologist Tom Drucker says, we limit our body’s ability to heal when we pollute it with negativity, self-defeatism, and criticism. He, together with many other friends and mentors, as well as my deeply caring wife, implored me to let myself rest and support my physical body’s natural resources with my own healthy mental attitude. They further reminded me take myself off the hook (another video to check out…How To Let Yourself Off The Hook) of irrational shame at being sick.
In their own way Tom and those many others reminded me to take my own medicine: accept what I could do and accept what I could not do. And in their support, they reminded me of a critical feature of the work I do as a Progress Coach. We can’t make progress if we’re completely isolated, completely stuck in the loop of our own toxic thinking. We need connection to others for inspiration, for innovation, for guidance towards a better path. This is something we do better when we practice humility.
The Sedate Warrior
My men’s circle suggested I reframe my resting. They asked me if I could be the Sedate Warrior. They asked me if I could be a warrior, even as I was recovering. I thought I could; the identify of being a warrior is a context, a state of mind. Even when the warrior is resting. Or recovering. My identify didn’t change just because I was sick. My need to be sedate simply took precedence over my need to actively express my warrior iddentity. I could now see my resting, my healing, as preparation for all those projects I needed to get to, all those deadlines I needed to meet, all the work I needed to generate.
Most importantly, my illness reminded me that I make the most progress--we ALL make the most progress--when we rely on others to help us along the way.